Young Seán never felt like he fitted with things. There was always a feeling of separation, of coldness and being alone. A hollow existence filled with people who made Seán feel uncomfortable. Why do they live like this? Why are they so rude and dirty and selfish and uncaring for the greater good? Why do they generally seem to be ok with living and acting in this way, while I feel so horribly alone and aloof and do not enjoy my life in such an existence?

Something was wrong. I was different. I was not a barbarian like the others.

Before I went to Japan I hyped the shit out of it to myself. This was going to be fucking class. A cartoon like world where we all respect each other and crazy cool fun stuff happens and mad colours everywhere. There was going to be actual beautiful culture here, even the religion was going to be so agreeable that it would be an injustice to use the word religion to describe it, as to do so would associate it with monotheist farces that slaughter millions and just plain aren’t true. There was no way I could’ve had higher expectations for going to Japan.

Japan is a Utopia. There has only been one day I doubted this since I went to Japan; the first day. By the time I got to my apartment my hands were bleeding from dragging my overpacked broken suitcase from the airport. I wandered around and found a supermarket, the air conditioned environment jolted me uncomfortably as I came in from the excessively hot and humid weather. I got a basket and walked slowly from aisle to aisle. There I was in the middle of the supermarket, hands bleeding, disorientated and almost confused from the flight and jet lag, hearing all these 35 year old Japanese women chattering around me. “OMG what the hell have I done. I have to stay here for the next seven months. I’m such a retard.”

For the first two weeks when I awoke every morning I was hit with an intense wave of raw Euphoria. It was like being off your head at a club with your absolute favourite trance song blasting out. I had never experienced anything like this ever before in my life. To see all that I wished for before my very eyes. Humans evolved to a level where they act civilised! My whole life I had been disillusioned with the ugliness of those around me and now, finally, my disillusionment was all justified by this magnificent society that actually exists!

So many things here were the exact opposite of how barbaric westerners (particularly Americans) and Africans act. Modesty is cherished here, everyone speaks down of themselves and encourage and listen to others. Whereas Americans cherish “competitive spirit”, also known as bullying, domeneerism and thuggery.

So much stuff in Japan is beautifully coloured in a way that’s hard to describe, there’s no paranoia about seeming “childish” or “gay” like there is in the west. Coming back to the west was like switching a colour TV to black and white mode, it was horribly depressing, just from the general aesthetic of things.

In the west, people would often make awkward “jokes” when talking to me where they say something that makes me feel really awkward and then start laughing a few seconds later. How is this funny? It would happen if I was working somewhere or at school or other places. Shit like that never happens in Japan (and by shit like that I mean a very broad range of behaviour that makes one feel awkward, not at all restricted to jokes). There are set roles for everyone and nobody will make you feel awkward or unwelcome or uncomfortable by trampling all over them like is done in the west. In fact in the west there’s hardly any structure at all to people interacting, so there’s nothing even to trample on there.

Returning to my morning Euphoria, in Tokyo sometimes I would get up at 5 or half 5, especially at the start, leap out of bed and get ready for work. Even at that time of the morning it was really warm. I would walk down through the path in the Graveyard next to my apartment with the early morning sun and generic-to-Japan background noises all around me. It was a really peaceful experience. The Graveyard didn’t have that horrid morbid feel, the way it was made, (obviously) extremely Japanese, just gave off a soothing aura. I could often here that school chime noise that was always in anime that I watch, always exactly the same nomatter where in Japan, it really made made me feel at home there and almost added to the surreal anime/game like experience that I find Japan to be.

When I would enter the gate to the local small train station the girl there would always say “OHAYOUGOZAIMAaaaaSU” (GOOD MORNING!) in a way that lifted my spirits greatly. One girl in particular would say it to every single person that passed without fail. I really respected her. It made me want to do my best at work. Such a magnificent person giving it her all everyday at the train station despite having such a modest job. This was truly the spirit of Japan, towering above western barbarism. There was no way I was going to let everyone down by not doing my best, there was no way I was going to let train station girl bear the burden alone. So I would come in to work, nearly always at least half an hour early, and be bright and enthusiastic about the stuff that had to be done and participate as best I could in any group doings. Despite being on an IT internship, after awhile they asked me if I wanted to take on some extra responsibilities in the market risk department since I was so enthusiastic about things and the market risk intern was going to be leaving early. It meant staying on everyday another hour and doing some extra stuff, but I was glad to be offered the opportunity.

Everyday on the train I always felt such a communal spirit with the other commuters. Though a word was never said, I felt a great connection with the endless mass of people jam packed together. Especially the people who were also in suits, like we were all in this together, trying to do out best at work for the sake of all. I admit I felt pride standing there with them on the train, though also doubt that I was doing a good enough job of things and doing them properly and also worry about what they might think of me, as all they could see was my gaijin face, so they might think me a barbarian as I think of others of my kind.

One of the times I was most moved by the “Japanese experience” was when I went to a HANABITAIKAI (fireworks festival) with my Japanese friend. Beforehand we went to SHINJUKU to search for a good place to buy YUKATA (traditional Japanese summer garment, worn especially at fireworks festivals). Eventually we found the men’s YUKATA section in SEIBU. There was this girl there dressed in her YUKATA giving advice and helping customers, it was so class imagine getting to wear that everyday as your job! So she helped me pick out all the parts. My friend didn’t intent to buy one but I tried really hard to convince him to get one and he gave in. When we heard the price (over 40,000 yen for everything, each) he was like “OMG it’ll take me 3 days work to earn that back!” but then we were like “well for the sake of beautiful Japanese culture we most bear this! and it will keep this girl employed if we buy them!” so we bought them and the girl tied the obi’s properly and made sure we weren’t wearing them wrong.

So we were wearing our YUKATAs and my friend had to go the bathroom so we found one at the B1 floor of SEIBU and while I was waiting people that passed were like looking and smiling and waving at me because it was quite rare for a gaijin to be wearing a YUKATA. I was really proud to be doing my part for the beautiful culture, and being a bit vain, I though we both looked class in them in any case!

We took the train to where the HANABITAIKAI was going to be held. When we got out of station the whole way along the road there was a gigantic endless procession of people, easily half in Yukata’s walking towards the park area. All along the sides of the road there was literally a constant line of vendors selling drinks and cooking food. It was so class. It felt so alive yet elegant at the same time. As we were walking along my friend spotted one of his old classmates working at one of the side vendors and they talked for awhile. When we finally got to the park we met up with another old classmate of his who had layed out towels and stuff so we could sit on the ground. She told us that more of their old classmates would be along later. Most of them hadn’t met in about 4 or 5 years (my friend was 26 at the time) so they were all looking forward to it. I was amazed at the amount of people wearing YUKATAs. Japan has become economically prosperous but it has never lost its culture to the American void like what has happened in other countries. I was so proud to see this, such a beautiful culture in no way endangered. All these shitloads of young people wearing these traditional clothes, I’ve never seen such strength of culture in such a prosperous society. I had heard people say that Japan has become westernised, but that’s just bullshit. They need to come here and see this and then shut up and die.

And then the fireworks display started. It was truly one of the most “magical” moments I have experienced. It was amazing. Though it was all my own invention in my own head, after just being so pleasantly surprised by how strong Japanese culture remains rooted in young Japanese people, I almost felt as if the fireworks were shining out against the west. In their beauty and the beauty of the YUKATAs, defiant against the west. They could nuke Japan twice, but they’ll never kill this beautiful culture who’s elegance makes a mockery of all the western world. Or so I allowed myself to think in that inspirational moment.

After the event was over, everyone picked up any litter they had made sure to deposit in nearby bins. The place was practically spotless despite thousands of people and a party atmosphere all day. A month or so ago, I went out drinking with some friends in Ireland. The city was absolutely covered in disgusting rubbish by around 2 AM. It was absolute barbarism, I was disgusted. Westerners should be ashamed of themselves. Look at the filth they wallow in. Look at how they don’t give a shit about anyone else. This is the glory of the western world. This is what their “free” and “enlightened” society is. Anyone who tries to defend such revolting western society is a barbarian and inferior to me.

When I went to Sapporo, I started working in a real Japanese company. It was a pretty traditional company with quite “strict” rules. The first day I was with other new Japanese employees and given a sort of introductory lecture/training. They asked us to come up and introduce ourselves and say what we were interested in etc.. The guy asked me would I be ok doing this, I said “I want to do my best!” (this is all in Japanese). So then the guy is like “Even Seán-kun is going to do his best at his self-introduction (despite finding Japanese difficult), so we should all do our best too!” Somehow their whole attitude of lets all do our best together and help out anyone who’s in some difficulty really made me feel at ease and like I fitted in. In Japan it’s like if one person is down then the whole group goes down with them, so it’s the group’s job to bring that person up and every individual’s job to do their best for the sake of everyone else. This is how I loved things to be, not like the free-for-all cutthroatism that always disillusioned me in the west. The company had two mottos, one was “Love” I can’t remember the other. I remember the guy explained that although it sounds ridiculous, “Love” is the opposite of indifference and to be indifferent in this line of work is a critically damaging attitude to the company.

The “multiple languages section” bowling night out.

Later that day I was introduced to my boss. He told everyone me at my going away party that as I was a foreignor, he was expecting me to say something like “Hey! How are you!?” in English, and he was really surprised when I was like “YOROSHIKU ONEGAISHIMAaaaaSU!!” (from now on I’ll be in your care!) in Japanese, he then did an impression of me bowing furiously. While I was a bit embarrassed, I was really glad I did the proper Japanese greeting when we first met.

My boss was a fantastic example of the typical Japanese guy who works crazily hard but acts extremely modest about it. Despite having 5 children, he worked 12 hours a day five days a week constantly. Every morning he was unfailingly cheery and he responded extremely enthusiastically to anyone who greeted him. One of the girls I worked with in the English booth told me that when he first started in the company at the lowest job he was always the most enthusiastic greeter in the morning and would go around the floor greeting everyone and bowing excessively. He also had a “bowl” haircut back then which added to his status as a somewhat bizzare character.

Me and my boss in the lunch eating place.

Alot of people get a distorted image of Japan as a place where you can’t have an opinion and you are a slave to your boss. This all seems rather authoritarian and unpleasant business. What westerners often don’t understand is that everything goes both ways in Japan. I had to come in every morning and greet my boss enthusiastically and try my best during the day. But then there’s the other side. My boss has an obligation to me to make sure that I am settling in ok in my job and that I understand what I’m being asked to do. He has to make sure that I am taught stuff properly and answer any questions or concerns that I have. He most certainly does not have a free lunch as I work my ass off, he has all these responsibilities for the employees below him and must work really hard himself to set a good example. Everything in Japan is about reciprocation. Everything goes both ways. I do my best and am enthusiastic. My boss must teach me and make sure of my well being. These relationships are seen all over the place in Japan, in school, in families etc.. In a Japanese family children often speak of feeling that they are under an obligation to their parents and incidents of teenage rebellion, violence and general anti-social behaviour is much lower in part because of the feeling of obligation that the children have. This also one of the factors as to why crime is so low in Japan. If someone commits a crime, then their whole family must bear the shame of the act. It is the obligation to others that is one of the factors as to why Japanese society work so well.

Japan is a beautiful country. I’m so lucky that I’ve found such a place in the world. I’m so happy that I can be happy! Everything I want is there. It has moe anime, maid cafe’s, extremely cute and/or hot girls, brilliant fashion, delicious food, my favourite types of alcohol (NIHONSHU, SHOUCHUU, vodka, cassis orange) and a safe and beautiful society with amazing people to play it all out in.

Anyway I’ve tried to give some sort of a feeling as to what my experience in Japan was like for me. There’s alot more that happened that I left out but that can be written another time, like the club with Patrick, breaking Patrick’s MacBook while lying covered in 400,000 worth of yen, drinking, stuff with Chisa, stuff in Gunma, stuff with Daniel, earthquakes, the day trading pizza man who gave me free pizza’s, stuff in the bank, snow related stuff, all those cute girls encountered some of them quite bizzare etc.. I know alot of my friends have become somewhat disillusioned with me over my attitude since I came back from Japan, e.g. Olivia saying that I have an awful attitude, Kevin saying it’s too depressing to talk about me etc. so I hope this will shed some light upon why I think the way I do. Hopefully the pictures will make it more “real” for ye aswell. As my mom said when I came back (she and my dad visited me for ten days) “I always defended Ireland over the years when you gave out about it but having seen Japan myself, I won’t be defending Ireland again. I see why you love Japan.”

So in conclusion, yes I would fly a plane into an American aircraft carrier for the Emperor.